Saturday, September 15, 2007Y
7:11 AM
finally ended a day of sadness n happiness.. everyting was like.. haix.. i oso dunno wat to say liaox le.. n since last nite.. im starting to hate myself..went out ytd evening.. den was walking to my auntie shop first cos its still early.. den while walking baby called n i din hear my fone ring at all.. so i jiu nv pick up.. den when i saw the miss cal n cal back.. she jiu kup my cals for 2 times.. so i jiu din cal le n waited for her to cal mi back.. thus having an quarrel over the fone..
reach my auntie shop den talk to her awhile abt my work de ting.. den was feeling so pek chek after talking to her abt tat.. i oso dunno wat i shld do now liaox le.. haix.. im so messed up.. so confused.. took train to tamp to mit baby to collect birthday cake for val gal.. den after tat made some final tings on the present n off we went to ecp.. everything was so nice n well till after most of the ppl came..
baby n val went back hm to take chicken wings as val forgot to bring them out.. was kinda dulan wif the rest le oso lahx.. all onli wanna eat but nobody seems to care to cook their own food.. ending up mi being like a servant there cooking for them to eat.. nvm.. den when baby came back.. she jus went ard talking n playing.. its like she nv even hiew mi at all till even the rest oso come ask mi wat happen y she nv come talk to u or wat n jus going ard talking n playing wif ppl ard..
bi.. i noe maybe u may tink there is not a nd for telling mi u come back le.. or maybe u jus cant be bother.. but as ur bf.. im rly concern abt u.. i noe u cal mi n told mi u r reaching soon le.. but all i hope is u can jus come to mi n say bi im back le.. tats all.. but when i ask u.. u jus walks off lidat.. maybe to u it may seem okie bahx.. but to mi its like u r showing mi attitude u noe.. haix.. after tat i tried talking to u nicely but u still din wanna reply mi.. onli when after i started to be a little more fierce den u jiu not happy n wanna go off le..
u noe mi de bi.. i seriously dun like it when here im talking to ppl n there they r ignoring mi.. n plus.. i oso dun like it when im talking to them den they jiu lidat wanna walk off.. tats y i will pull u back.. i din mean to do it de.. haix.. from the start all i wan was a nice talk to u.. i din wan tings to turn out tis way de.. i dun wanna hurt u.. hurting u make mi feel so heartache.. although i dun show it out.. but u shld noe im in pain from the inside.. not the outside..
how i rly wish we could jus talk like last time when i ask u tings u will ans mi back n not like now when i ask u tings u will jus keep quiet n ignore mi.. how i rly hope tings will be like in the past.. how i rly hope.. but tings jus aint like the past anymore.. i muz fa pi qi le den u will wanna talk.. n after awhile den ni jiu bu gao xin liaox le.. y muz ting be in tis way..
i noe its my fault my bad to grab u in tat manner.. i noe i hurt u alot by doing so.. but i jus wan u to hav a sit n talk to mi properly den jiu nth will happen le.. i noe wat i say now oso no use le.. cos wats done is done.. but there is nth else i can do other den saying sorry for now.. i wanted to help ni c ur hand.. but u dun wan to let mi.. gus u muz be rly mad at mi.. today is our 300th days.. i rly wans to bring u out for a meal.. or if u dun wan at least come out to hav a walk to relax ourself from all tis tings tat r happening now.. but i gus from the sms u told mi jus now.. i tink the chances tat u r coming out today r rly slim le.. u say u r not angry wif mi.. but i noe in ur heart u muz be veri angry wif mi for doing tis n hurting u so much..
im rly sorry to hav done tat to u ytd nite.. being a guy.. i shld not hav done tat.. moreover the strength tat i use.. i noe it rly hurts u alot.. im sorry.. i feel rly so bad to noe ur hands r swollen.. but there is nth i can do now.. u wont let mi touch u oso.. i rly wanna c hows ur hand liaox le.. im seriously sorry.. n i rly hate myself alot for doing tis to u.. i hate myself for all those quarrels we had tis few days.. i hate myself so much.. tat i feels like hitting myself liaox le.. but i din.. i controlled myself.. i noe u wont wan mi to hurt myself.. but i jus feel so suck..
like wat u said b4.. i tink i rly aint a good bf.. i nv spend enuf time wif u.. i din treat u good enuf.. i din give u tings tat u wan.. i cant bring u for good foods tat u like to eat.. im oways hurting u.. i suck to core.. thus causing u to change urself to wat u r now.. choosing to find urself another partner to chat wif sms wif n care for u.. sometimes i rly wonder if i do still mean a ting to u anot.. am i still the one hu u love anot.. do u still care for mi mahx.. i dunno..
but nvm bahx.. dun wan talk abt it liaox le.. but i thks u for giving us both another chance to start all over again.. n i rly wish we can rly start all over again.. jus like how we were in the beginning.. so loving so caring for each other..n i promise u nth like last nite will ever happen again.. if not i will kill myself.. but i jus no matter wat i do now.. i noe its impossible to erase yangxin away from ur heart oso liaox le bahx.. im sure he has oso stand a part in ur heart liaox le.. so wat shld i do.. how shld i do.. im confused.. im jus a useless asshole.. im jus not suppose to in tis world at all.. i will onli cause ppl sadness n unhappiness..