Saturday, September 22, 2007Y
3:30 AM
din hav a good day today.. kinda pissed myself off again today..woke up early in the morning.. den got to bring them to c doc for dunno wat fucking checkup.. wasted my transport money for all tis fuck shit.. n den wat.. got hm n got nth to eat.. gotta use my own money to buy food for myself.. okie.. tis nvm.. wait for him to come back.. but come hm onli jiu give mi a cb face like i owe him lidat.. wtf is wif tis world..
watch show for the whole day.. din do anything much to disturb anyone.. cos i dun wanna disturb anyone oso.. ending mi being alone watching show all alone by myself.. im doing tis cos of wat.. im trying to give u more freedom to do ur own ting.. but end up wat did i get.. i get nth from it oso wat.. all i wan is u to feel relax n be happy.. its okie tat im alone doing nth facing the 4 walls.. when u r at hm.. at else sometimes ur bro will be hm.. or when ur mama n papa come back le.. u still can talk to them.. but i hav got nth.. although there is someone at hm.. but no one is talking to mi.. i feel so lonely u noe.. its like im invisiable to them.. so u noe how i feel mahx.. i gus u wont noe oso..
tried to hav fone cals.. cos by talking to u.. u can make mi feel better.. feel tat at least there is still someone there to care for mi to listen to mi.. but i dunno y u jus cant seem to talk much wif mi oso.. i seem irritating n veri fan rite.. abt the ting jus now.. ya.. i admit i did say ur timing siao siao nowadays.. cos last time when we mit or wat when u say wat time jiu shi wat time one.. but now most of the time u will be late.. den oways got tis reason tat reason.. last time oso nv hear u keep lidat say.. n all i say was jus to tell u not to be late.. u say i keep repeat.. but when i ask if u understand wat im saying anot.. its u ownself say u dun understand den i repeat de lehx.. den now my fault again izzit.. i din ask to u reach at a certain time like wat u said in ur blog lohx..
den u say wat.. u rather be hm cos ur mummy is at hm n u dun nd to worry abt ur lunch.. so wat r u trying to say here.. trying to say tat i hav ill-treated u?? or coming out wif mi u will nd to worry tat u got nth to eat?? hav i ever not let u eat ur lunch anot.. pls lohx.. im oways there reminding u to hav ur lunch.. bring u for lunch.. cook food for ur lunch so tat when u come over u can eat.. afraid tat u nv eat n will be hungry.. scare u nv eat u will hav gastric.. but y do i care so much.. cos u r my gf.. im worried for u n i care for u.. if not y would i wanna do so.. u tink if any other person i will so free cook for them to eat mehx??
u say u were oways trying to make ppl feel happy but in the end putting all the worries n blames to urself.. haven been i doing the same.. trying my best to make u happy.. giving in to u as much as i can.. but i noe i cant oways give in to u.. cos i will end up spoiling u.. jus like in the past.. i oways give in to watever u do or say.. tats y now u will lidat.. din we jus agree tat we will adapt to each other during tis time?? so wat do u mean by i shouldnt try to accomodate myself for others anymore.. i shall make myself be happy n do wad i really wan.. r u backing out from wat u say??
ytd i jus said.. u r good u hav change.. u dun kup cals anymore.. but today u did it again.. so u wan to disappoint mi over n over again izzit?? i jus praise u n now u r lidat le.. wat do u wan mi to do den?? from wat u say in ur blog its like u r saying its totally all my fault.. u dun hav any wrong.. so gus wat.. its my fault again lahx?? huh?? izzit wat u r trying to mean?? i hate quarrels wif u do u noe tat.. recently u hav been using ur feelings to control wat u do.. n we said n plan where to go tml le.. i even got my tings prepare to make u something to eat tml.. n now u r telling mi u dun feel like coming out?? wat has got into tis world.. y is everyone treating mi like as though i owe them a living.. y muz i be treated tis way.. i gus i shld not hav give up wat i said i would do last week.. is tat the way u ppl rly wan mi to go den u all will be happy izzit?? if its so den let mi noe.. i can fulfil all ur dreams n i promise u all wont ever c mi again.. den there will be no one left to hurt u n quarrel or argue wif u anymore.. is tat wat u all wan??
i noe u will sure come n read my blog for updates.. when u get to c tis.. pls give mi a cal.. n tell mi wat u plan to do tml.. if not.. i will jus be blindly waiting for u to come tml..