Sunday, July 08, 2007Y
12:26 AM
back to blog again.. all i can say is i had a bad week.. tink its the onli word to explain bahx.. was back in camp on monday.. den had a little quarrel wif baby.. cos all i wan was her to slp early cos she still nd to go to office the next day.. but she keep delay.. haix.. its not tat i dun trust u or wat.. all i wan was u to hav enuf slp so tat u wont feel so tired the next day.. but i dunno if u understand wat i was trying to do bahx..move out early in the morning on tuesday.. had a tough day.. walk like as if nobody business lidat.. was so fucking pissed off by some other ppl too.. din rly hav any mood to do anything lahx.. after the attack jiu went to rest liaox le.. was tinking for the whole day if she will still be angry wif mi anot.. tinking whether did she went to hav her lunch.. but i jus cant contact her at all..
wed was oso another tough day.. walk again for so long.. till my legs are all in pain.. jus like the same still.. din hav any mood at all.. al i did for the whole day was keep tinking n tinking of her over n over again.. all the ting she do.. her everything was jus flashing thru my mind.. jus cant help but tink of her..
thursday was the day which i can finally go back to camp n rest.. but was oso one of the worse days i hav ever had ever since.. did a last attack in the morning.. din slp for the previous.. den after the attack still had to run for abt 1km.. n during the run.. i had a trip n fall onto the ground.. had a sprain on the ankle..
den reach camp jiu sms baby le.. was inform tat we will be able to book out.. den jiu faster tell baby abt tat.. cos i was dying to mit her.. n tat was when everything started.. she had cal her mummy n told her she wont be back for dinner.. but i was last min inform tat i might not be able to book out.. cos some controlled item was lost n cant be found.. n baby was abit unhappy le i tink.. but at last ard 645 they told us tat we can book out again.. den nd to fall in for last parade b4 we get to book out.. n cos of the ting its was delayed.. n again baby was so unhappy abt it cos she had to wait for mi even more longer..
for the first time i saw her being so angry wif mi.. n for the first time she was so fierce to mi in the smses.. im not gonna say wat she said to mi here.. but those word rly punch mi deep in my heart.. was so sad at the time.. after mit her at interchange i tried to explain tings to her.. but dun tink sh could hear them in too bahx.. she was still showing mi attitude.. but i kept quiet n follow on.. my ankle was still in great pain.. but i jus kept quiet.. after eating dinner send her to take bus hm while i walk ard for awhile b4 i went back to camp.. after tat we jiu din talk liaox le.. not even sms oso.. i tried to sms but she din reply mi too.. haix..
its not tat i wanted to be late or playing ard wif u.. hope u understand mi.. there are tings tat are not of my control now.. its not like when im in kranji where i can go off anytime i wan.. i din mean make u waited for so long.. i feel bad myself too.. but there is jus nth i can do at tat point of time..
ytd morning sms her again.. was jus trying to c if she is still angry wif mi.. but i made her angry again.. i din wan to ask over n over again.. i noe u wont like it.. but all i wanna noe was if u are still angry wif mi anot.. went for SOC training after tat.. like the days b4.. still i had no mood for anything.. tinking abt everything.. i wasnt concentrating at all.. n thus end up falling down from the obstacle again.. was able to continue training already.. suppose to be in great pain cos i was not even able to walk.. but i wasnt feeling any pain at all.. gus everything had numb mi from inside le bahx.. in the nite my sir bring mi to the mess for a drink.. drink n drink n drink non stop.. hoping tat could stop mi from tinking too much.. but i jus dun feel a single ting at all.. was back in bunk n tried calling she but she din pick up oso.. sms her she oso din reply till i send a second sms.. n i gus tat sms made her angry again bahx.. kept my fone in the cupboard n went to lie down on my bed.. as i tried to slp.. tears jus flow out.. wipe it off n i control it till i fall aslp..
woke up early tis morning.. was feeling abit better on my leg.. so i decided to take part in the ndp training.. but i jus cant concentrate on anything tat i do.. n i fall the hell off the stairways tis time.. din noe wat the hell im doing too.. after i roll down i rly cant do anything anymore.. cant even move.. everyone was so shock when i roll down the stairs.. but luckily i din hurt myself from the fall.. onli ting was my leg tat was hurt again.. for the whole day i din sms her.. not noe-ing if i shld sms her anot.. wanted to for alot of times.. but after everything i type i still dunno if i shld send anot.. so end up till now no sms was send to her.. like she say.. maybe we shld not talk for the time being n let her cooloff first bahx..
now finally hm already.. cant rly walk much still.. but tink after some rest everything jiu will be okie le bahx.. i dunno if u will be reading my blog anot.. but if u were to read tis is wat i wanna let u noe.. although i din sms u for the whole day din mean im no tinking of u at all.. i jus dunno if i shld anot.. having fear tat i might again say the wrong ting n make u angry again.. n i din mean to make u angry again n again.. im feeling so bad now.. n i din blame u for all tis at all.. hope u will get over it soon n talk to mi again soon bahx.. i rly do hope so.. n i miss u alot.. gus i already cant do wif out u le.. i love u still..
n lastly i wanna say.. baby im so so sorry.. dui bu qi.. hope u will forgive mi soon.. take care.. going off for now.. gones..